CreativePlay Plus: Ideas in Play and Child Development

Rules create order and discipline in our society. For children, rules help set limits which make learning possible. Effective rules for children must be:

• Definable - specific so the child knows exactly what to do.
• Reasonable - within the child’s physical and mental capabilities.
• Enforceable - have a time limit so you know if it has been accomplished.

When creating rules, it is important to state them positively. An easy way to remember this is by using the words WHEN and THEN.

For Example:

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• WHEN you make your bed, THEN you may have breakfast.
• WHEN you brush your teeth, THEN you may select another video to watch.
• WHEN you finish your homework, THEN you may play outside.

A positively stated rule:

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• Allows the child to choose whether s/he will receive the positive outcome.
• Is consistent, logical and well thought out.
• Occurs unemotionally.
• Puts the responsibility for carrying out the task with the child.

Conversely, a negatively worded command often sounds like a threat. In phrasing a rule, the word “if” usually implies a warning or the absence of something desired.

For example:

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• If you DON’T make your bed, I WON’T prepare your breakfast.
• If you DON’T brush your teeth, you WON’T be able to watch another video.
• If you DON’T do your homework, you WON’T play outside.

A negatively stated rule communicates the following:

• The child experiences someone using power over him/her.
• It can feel arbitrary to the child.
• It can evoke feelings of resentment or anger in the child.

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