Parents and adults often jump in to help children when they see they are struggling with a task. For instance, a parent watching their child play soccer may feel the urge to identify the problem in an effort to tell their child why they are not making goals.
“You need to kick the ball harder if you want to make a goal!”
Comments like this may feel to the child that their problems are highlighted while their efforts and skills are ignored. To help your child more accurately get a message, try the “sandwich” technique. Start out with a positive comment, then one constructive criticism, then another positive comment.
“You really focused and kept your eye on the ball. I bet if you practice kicking a little harder, next time you’ll make a goal! You really tried hard today and handled the ball well.”
The “sandwich” technique acknowledges and builds on positive behaviors and skills. This allows children to experience areas of growth without feeling shamed. It also shows that you are paying attention and not ignoring the behavioral all together. Additionally, it demonstrates to the child that the parent believes that they have the potential to do better.
Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior trailer