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Communicating criticism to children can sometimes be subtle.
• Sighing when a child does something that you do not approve of
• Making offhand remarks made to others that the child may overhear “Your brother just doesn’t know any better”
• Indicating that the child should be perfect “Next time we’ll practice more so you won’t make any mistakes in your piano recital.”
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While parents and teachers in these situations are probably trying to help a child cope when things aren’t going their way, they may be unknowingly communicating their own our frustrations.
Rather than automatically reacting to unwanted behaviors with negative feedback it’s important to be mindful that we catch children being good and sandwich constructive feedback with rewards for positive behavior. Even if a child is misbehaving there are often opportunities to catch your child being good.
• For example, if your child is screaming at his sister and you ask him to sit down and be quiet, when he does so, you have an opportunity to reward for the positive behavior of listening and doing what you asked while also providing criticism about the negative behavior.
o “I like how you just listened! Good job listening. But screaming at your sister is not okay.”
Make a list of all of the negative and positive things that you have said to your child today and see whether there are more negatives or more positives.
For more information, here are some previous posts with similar information about providing constructive and positive feedback in the face of what could be a frustrating situation:
Sandwich Constructive Feedback
Praising Art, Athletic, and Musical Abilities
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