CreativePlay Plus: Ideas in Play and Child Development

Dealing with challenging behavior is one of the most stressful aspects of parenting. Decades ago “hitting” children was an acceptable response to their negative behavior.  As parents learned that physical punishment fails to prevent misbehavior, “hitting” became taboo and putting a child in “time-out” became the popular alternative.  In “time-out” a child is sent or taken to an isolated area where s/he is expected to remain for a specified period of time; the time spent in “time-out” typically correlates with the child’s age, (i.e. three minutes for a three year old; five minutes for a five year old.)

Time-Out became popular for the following reasons:

• It is a relatively easy way to interrupt unwanted behavior.
• It offers the adult a needed space away from the child so the adult can calm down.
• It helps the adult refrain from using physical punishment by providing an alternative approach of responding to a child’s misbehavior

While “time-out” is preferable to physical punishment, it has limitations:

• A child who is naturally loquacious may need to talk out loud in order to think through a situation; this child sorts out his/her thoughts as they are expressed to others.  Time-out alone will shut down this child’s thinking.
• A child who processes experiences with feelings and then later thoughts may shut down both thoughts and feelings when sent to “time-out.”
• If a child lacks information or skills, “time-out” alone will not provide them.
• “Time-out” may feel like the withdrawal of love or promote feelings of abandonment, both of which can be very frightening to a child.
• When children regard “time-out” as a punishment they often use their discomfort to blame the parent rather than learn fro the experience.

The ultimate goal with discipline is to have the child experience the uncomfortable feelings associated with making a poor choice and then learn from the experience. The following model will help achieve this:

• Provide the child with guidance and explain what is likely to occur.  For example, “If you leave your bike out in the street it’s possible someone might take it.”
• Allow the child to experience the natural consequences of his/her actions or behavior.
• Always model self control by remaining calm and composed without attributing blame or guilt to the child; blame or guilt decrease the likelihood that meaningful learning will occur.
• Offer much empathy when the child experiences an unpleasant outcome; you don’t have to agree with the child in order to understand and/or appreciate the child’s uncomfortable feelings.
• Assist the child in learning new strategies to prevent the same mistake or one of a similar nature to repeat.

Understanding death is a life-long process that begins in early childhood. Handling feelings about death is a personal experience.

A young child’s curiosity about death often centers on the physical facts. A child might want to know what happens to the body at death.  What does dead look like?  Do dead people see, feel or experience hunger?  Children must first understand death’s concrete manifestations.

Talking about a death that is not significant to the child’s world is the best opportunity to explore the topic and help a child articulate his/her fears.  The demise of a plant, fish, pet or distant relative lays the groundwork for helping children cope with a more painful death.

When someone dies it is important to approach the discussion with your child gently and lovingly; the tone of your voice should be warm, empathic and kind.  What you say is significant, but how you say it will have an even greater bearing on how your child internalizes the message.  Your child should feel that the subject can be discussed openly and without fear, even if you are experiencing some conflicted or unresolved feelings.

Adults often withhold information about death fearing it will threaten a child’s sense of security and well-being.  Consider the following:

• Feelings of exclusion can be much harder for children than feelings of sadness.
• Uncertainly can arouse anxiety; when there are unanswered and unspoken questions, children usually create their own explanations.  Often these explanations are scarier than reality.
• Since young children take what we say literally, euphemisms such as “lost,” “passed away,” or “laid to rest” should not be used when talking to your child about death.

One of the best ways to promote a child’s well-being is to give straightforward answers to his/her questions and ample opportunity to ask them.  A child’s principal source of strength is understanding that death can be talked about openly and without fear.

Parents have several important responsibilities among them; to protect children and keep them safe and to help children grow and become independent.  As Hodding Carter noted, “There are two lasting bequests we can give our children, one is roots, and the other is wings.”

While it comes naturally for parents to keep their children out of harms way, promoting children’s independence can be a more daunting task.  We can encourage independence, self-reliance and promote positive self – esteem in young children by involving them in household tasks.  This helps children make valuable contributions to family life.

Involving children in household chores:

• Increases family togetherness
• Helps children acquire new skills and gain new masteries that promote healthy self-esteem.
• Enables children to experience first-hand what it means to be a family “producer” rather than simply a family “consumer.”
• Helps children learn from an early age that real work is fun and rewarding.
• Nurtures young children’s natural desire to feel useful and/or helpful.

When encouraging young children to participate in “real” work efforts, chores should always be developmentally appropriate and adapted to a youngster’s interests and abilities.  The following suggestions can serve as a helpful guideline.

• Notice what adult behaviors children are imitating, especially those related to adult tasks.
• Always involve children in deciding what tasks they would like to do; greater input typically equates to greater buy-in!
• Help children learn how to do a given task before they attempt it on their own.
• Divide larger jobs into smaller and more manageable parts.  For example, when sorting laundry, first have your child pick out all the socks and then introduce the idea of finding matching pairs.
• Encourage and reinforce children’s efforts.  While their standards may not be the same as an adult’s, resist redoing a task a child has already completed.
• Avoid communicating that tasks are boring and need to be endured.  Children have a propensity for mimicking adult behavior and manifesting adult attitudes.
• Acknowledge children’s accomplishments with very specific praise.  For example, “Setting the table allowed us to sit down and eat together as soon as dinner was ready; that was helpful, thank you!”

Children want to be a part of the adult world just as much as they want adults to share their world.  If children are encouraged to contribute their efforts in accomplishing appropriate tasks at home, the lives of both parents and children become enriched.

The philosopher, essayist and poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What you do speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you are saying.”  This has profound meaning for parents since children carefully look for cues regarding adult behavior, paying greater attention to what adults do than to what adults say.  In fact, adult behavior remains one of the most powerful skills parents have in influencing their children.  However, children become easily confused when adults verbally express one value and physically model another. For example:

• We want our children to remain calm and composed in the face of frustration or disappointments but don’t always handle our own frustrations and disappointments well.  What did you look like and sound like the last time you were running late due to an unanticipated traffic jam?
• We encourage our children to use both calm voices and appropriate words when they are upset, but what do our voices and words sound like when we are under duress?  What words and tone did you use when you were accidently rear ended?
• We frequently ask our children to stop crying when they can’t find their favorite toy, but how do we act when we’ve misplaced something that is important to us.  What behaviors did you display when you were frantically looking around the house for your misplaced car keys?

As parents it is important to remember the following:

• The adult behavior we exhibit reflects what we value.

• Desired behavior does not result when we model one action and expect a different one from our child.

• Congruency occurs when children observe parental words that are consistent with their actions.

• How adults express and manage their own feelings serves as a model that is remembered by children throughout their lifetime.

• Children continually learn form adults, regardless if the adults intention is to teach.

• One of the greatest influences parents have on children is the example they set as role models.

April showers bring May flowers, but how do you help keep your kids playing creatively when it is raining outside? Mommy blogger Stephanie from Mommy Poppins® suggest pitching a tent in your living room for a good old fashion Living Room Camp Out. We love this activity because it helps your kids think outside of the box by encouraging them to:

• Turn off the electricity (including the TV and phones) and turn on the flash lights
• Tell ghost stories and sing songs around the “camp fire”
• Make animal shadows on the wall
• Go on a scavenger hunt or “nature watch” out the window
• Make indoor camp fire s’mores (with assistance from an adult of course)

Best of all, you are able to incorporate creative play with your kids even on a rainy day!

Most children are naturally delighted and excited by the discoveries they make about their world. The playful stance that children tend to take early on as youngsters is likely one of the reasons children seem propelled toward greater curiosity and novelty seeking. Research supports associations between playfulness with many positive characteristics like:

• Creativity
• Humorousness
• Emotional expressiveness
• Curiosity
• Openness
• Communicativeness

These findings suggest that children who are more playful may be further effective and efficient at dealing with problems. Also, children who learn in a more playful learning environment may be extra willing to try new things and engage in a task. Consider our previous post about Sir Ken Robinson’s claim that most educational school systems “kill creativity.” Perhaps promoting and modeling a playful way of teaching and learning may support older children to be just as excited about learning as they were when they were youngsters.

Undoubtedly an important aspect of child development is a child’s ability to be playful. No one knew this better than Dr. Seuss who said:

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, which is what I do. And that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.”

To be playful means to have a flexible understanding and approach to life. It also means having the ability to make an experience more joyful and entertaining. If you have a child, you understand that most children inherently have this gift to make a lot of situations fun when given the opportunity. Even something as simple as walking from the car to the front door could mean a chance to skip, twirl, fly, and buzz all the way home.  We write a lot about the importance of giving children time to play, but having a playful disposition may be just as important as the act of playing itself. One way to help your child be playful: reading books by creative writers like Dr. Seuss. Another way, be a playful parent! That way, when they come up against a boring or scary situation they have the freedom to escape into their imagination and make light of some of life’s tedious tasks.

Most parents will agree that mathematical skills are big deal.  So what do you do when your child doesn’t seem interested in numbers? Try this clever number match game from mommy blogger Allison at No Time For Flash Cards.  What we like about this game is that you can adjust it to be more or less challenging for kids depending on their development level.  The best part is you only need colored construction paper and a marker to get your math magicians learning!

Educational systems that are focused on traditional learning, like language arts and math, do not give children struggling in these areas a chance to learn other potential strengths. Children who have strengths in music, dance, theater, and art aren’t necessarily given opportunities during the school day to hone their skills. Most importantly, these children are lacking opportunities to feel good about themselves in ways that arts education can provide. Imagine not having at least a little time during the day to do something you are good at or express yourself in a way you feel comfortable. For children who struggle in traditional classrooms it could be a constant reminder that they are not “good enough.”

Something to consider- think about what arts education really provides. Is it really just downtime during the school day for children to do craft projects or take music lessons? I argue that it’s not.

• Arts education can be a way for children to process, reflect, and organize content in a way that is perhaps more meaningful than traditional learning.
• Arts education also helps children practice higher level thinking like: analysis of information, problem solving, and execution of ideas while also expressing their selves.
• For example, asking a child to make a bird and nest out of clay requires the child to recall a mental picture of what that means to them, attempt to represent this image, and also learn to manage challenges along the way, like birds have feathers but I’m working with clay and not feathers.

Arts education is an important part of school and unfortunately it seems to be less valued than traditional academics.  In what ways does your child’s school allow your child to explore non-traditional academic subjects? Are there things you do at home or extracurricular activities you and your child are involved in to help supplement traditional learning?

The social and cognitive benefits of recess and free play are too important to be ignored. During recess children learn valuable social skills like learning to negotiate with peers in order to keep playing with them.

“I want to play on the monkey bars too.  How about we take turns?”

“You got to choose 4-square yesterday, today let’s play tag, okay?”

“Come play with us! We need more people to play kickball! It will be fun!”

Recess also gives children opportunities to become comfortable with deciding how they want to spend their free time and who they want to spend their time with.

The argument that physical education is a good substitute for recess is not adequately supported. The instructional nature and highly structured time found in physical education classes does not allow children the same sort of free time to explore, be creative, or control how they spend their time with peers, on their terms. Physical education also does not give them the time to practice sophisticated ways to compromise and resolve conflicts.

Dr. Anthony Pelligrini has studied important questions like, does what children do on the playground predict school achievement? In fact, Dr. Pelligrini found that the behavioral measures he developed to observe children at recess actually predicted first grade achievement better than kindergarten test scores.  Meaning, playground behaviors should be considered an important part of child development that could determine academic success of children early on in child education.

How do you feel about the amount of free-play time your children gets at school? Do you agree that play could potentially promote academic success?