Part of our mission for the blog is to provide parents with information from experts in the child development field that we hope you find useful! Take a look at some of our previous posts by Drs. Anderson-Fye and Przeworski who write about parent and child interactions and the emotional development of a child.
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Praising Artwork, Musical Abilities, and Athletic Skills
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Many times, as parents, we snap at a child without meaning to. For example, if a child spills a bottle of juice all over the floor, we may say something like “Why didn’t you watch what you were doing?” Or if a child hits his/her brother, we may say something like “That’s BAD! What’s wrong with you? You don’t hit your brother!” These things are often said in frustration however, repeated comments such as this can have a harmful effect on children.
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When kids feel that they are having more negative than positive interactions with parents, they begin to feel that they are bad kids or that they are not good enough.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull full movie This does not mean that parents should not provide their children with constructive feedback or punish a child for unacceptable behaviors, such as hitting one’s brother or cursing at a teacher. It is important that children learn that unwanted behaviors have consequences. But, feedback about these behaviors could be provided in a non-critical manner and in a calm tone. For example, “It is not okay to hit your brother, so you are getting a time-out.”
Seem familiar? We’ve written about this topic before because it is important to us that parents read the necessity for children to have rules for behavior and expected consequences as they develop and mature. However, we are aware the difficulties that come with trying to teach appropriate behavior to children and we want to emphasize the importance of how rules for behaving are taught as well as the what rules we give children.
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There is often controversy over self-esteem and how to handle praising children’s artwork, musical talents, and athletic ability. Some feel that customary praise may contribute to children developing lower self-esteem, in that it may lead to seeking external (parents, teachers, peers) rather than internal (self) sources for pride. If this happens, when a child does not receive this external praise, they may be disappointed when their work is not validated. This may result in children learning to be more concerned with the end product rather than the process of learning and building accomplishments.
A way of providing encouragement and helping children turn to internal sources of pride is to validate their efforts and take an invested interest in the process of their work. Some examples of praising the process versus outcomes include:
It is important to point out that there is really no right or wrong way to praise a child for their work. However, being mindful of the language used when conveying your support will help children to focus on what choices they made to improve their experience. Additionally, it shows that you are more interested in their thought process and overall improvement rather than the end result. Emphasizing the importance of trying your best over outcome may also help support them in trying new things without fear of failure.
Whiteout video When your child is distraught adults tend to want to make the hurt child feel better as soon as possible. In these scenarios, parents often tell children things like:
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While it is important to let the child know that they are okay and safe, language like this may actually convey to the child that their emotional experiences are invalid or wrong. For example, if a child falls and begins to cry, saying “You’re okay” may sound to the child like they should not feel bad or cry.
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Instead, it may be more beneficial to a child for an adult to label and validate their feelings as well as help them articulate what is they are feeling the way they are. Some examples include:
Munich download Examples like these help the child identify the feelings they are experiencing, remind them that it is okay to feel that way, and provide them an opportunity to both correct you if that is not the reason they are upset and leave the door open to talk about what’s bothering them in more detail.
Self esteem is often a hot topic among parents and educators. Research on self esteem has examined the way children are praised and suggests that not all praise is equal. The way we praise children and the language we use is important. Being mindful of the language used when conveying support to a child will help him or her to focus on behaviors and choices, it will help them find internal validation for their actions and avoid becoming dependent on external validation. We thought it would be important to take a look at how language can support a child’s self esteem by validating their experiences, behaviors, character.