CreativePlay Plus: Ideas in Play and Child Development

Dealing with challenging behavior is one of the most stressful aspects of parenting. Decades ago “hitting” children was an acceptable response to their negative behavior.  As parents learned that physical punishment fails to prevent misbehavior, “hitting” became taboo and putting a child in “time-out” became the popular alternative.  In “time-out” a child is sent or taken to an isolated area where s/he is expected to remain for a specified period of time; the time spent in “time-out” typically correlates with the child’s age, (i.e. three minutes for a three year old; five minutes for a five year old.)

Time-Out became popular for the following reasons:

• It is a relatively easy way to interrupt unwanted behavior.
• It offers the adult a needed space away from the child so the adult can calm down.
• It helps the adult refrain from using physical punishment by providing an alternative approach of responding to a child’s misbehavior

While “time-out” is preferable to physical punishment, it has limitations:

• A child who is naturally loquacious may need to talk out loud in order to think through a situation; this child sorts out his/her thoughts as they are expressed to others.  Time-out alone will shut down this child’s thinking.
• A child who processes experiences with feelings and then later thoughts may shut down both thoughts and feelings when sent to “time-out.”
• If a child lacks information or skills, “time-out” alone will not provide them.
• “Time-out” may feel like the withdrawal of love or promote feelings of abandonment, both of which can be very frightening to a child.
• When children regard “time-out” as a punishment they often use their discomfort to blame the parent rather than learn fro the experience.

The ultimate goal with discipline is to have the child experience the uncomfortable feelings associated with making a poor choice and then learn from the experience. The following model will help achieve this:

• Provide the child with guidance and explain what is likely to occur.  For example, “If you leave your bike out in the street it’s possible someone might take it.”
• Allow the child to experience the natural consequences of his/her actions or behavior.
• Always model self control by remaining calm and composed without attributing blame or guilt to the child; blame or guilt decrease the likelihood that meaningful learning will occur.
• Offer much empathy when the child experiences an unpleasant outcome; you don’t have to agree with the child in order to understand and/or appreciate the child’s uncomfortable feelings.
• Assist the child in learning new strategies to prevent the same mistake or one of a similar nature to repeat.

Understanding death is a life-long process that begins in early childhood. Handling feelings about death is a personal experience.

A young child’s curiosity about death often centers on the physical facts. A child might want to know what happens to the body at death.  What does dead look like?  Do dead people see, feel or experience hunger?  Children must first understand death’s concrete manifestations.

Talking about a death that is not significant to the child’s world is the best opportunity to explore the topic and help a child articulate his/her fears.  The demise of a plant, fish, pet or distant relative lays the groundwork for helping children cope with a more painful death.

When someone dies it is important to approach the discussion with your child gently and lovingly; the tone of your voice should be warm, empathic and kind.  What you say is significant, but how you say it will have an even greater bearing on how your child internalizes the message.  Your child should feel that the subject can be discussed openly and without fear, even if you are experiencing some conflicted or unresolved feelings.

Adults often withhold information about death fearing it will threaten a child’s sense of security and well-being.  Consider the following:

• Feelings of exclusion can be much harder for children than feelings of sadness.
• Uncertainly can arouse anxiety; when there are unanswered and unspoken questions, children usually create their own explanations.  Often these explanations are scarier than reality.
• Since young children take what we say literally, euphemisms such as “lost,” “passed away,” or “laid to rest” should not be used when talking to your child about death.

One of the best ways to promote a child’s well-being is to give straightforward answers to his/her questions and ample opportunity to ask them.  A child’s principal source of strength is understanding that death can be talked about openly and without fear.

Parents have several important responsibilities among them; to protect children and keep them safe and to help children grow and become independent.  As Hodding Carter noted, “There are two lasting bequests we can give our children, one is roots, and the other is wings.”

While it comes naturally for parents to keep their children out of harms way, promoting children’s independence can be a more daunting task.  We can encourage independence, self-reliance and promote positive self – esteem in young children by involving them in household tasks.  This helps children make valuable contributions to family life.

Involving children in household chores:

• Increases family togetherness
• Helps children acquire new skills and gain new masteries that promote healthy self-esteem.
• Enables children to experience first-hand what it means to be a family “producer” rather than simply a family “consumer.”
• Helps children learn from an early age that real work is fun and rewarding.
• Nurtures young children’s natural desire to feel useful and/or helpful.

When encouraging young children to participate in “real” work efforts, chores should always be developmentally appropriate and adapted to a youngster’s interests and abilities.  The following suggestions can serve as a helpful guideline.

• Notice what adult behaviors children are imitating, especially those related to adult tasks.
• Always involve children in deciding what tasks they would like to do; greater input typically equates to greater buy-in!
• Help children learn how to do a given task before they attempt it on their own.
• Divide larger jobs into smaller and more manageable parts.  For example, when sorting laundry, first have your child pick out all the socks and then introduce the idea of finding matching pairs.
• Encourage and reinforce children’s efforts.  While their standards may not be the same as an adult’s, resist redoing a task a child has already completed.
• Avoid communicating that tasks are boring and need to be endured.  Children have a propensity for mimicking adult behavior and manifesting adult attitudes.
• Acknowledge children’s accomplishments with very specific praise.  For example, “Setting the table allowed us to sit down and eat together as soon as dinner was ready; that was helpful, thank you!”

Children want to be a part of the adult world just as much as they want adults to share their world.  If children are encouraged to contribute their efforts in accomplishing appropriate tasks at home, the lives of both parents and children become enriched.

Undoubtedly an important aspect of child development is a child’s ability to be playful. No one knew this better than Dr. Seuss who said:

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, which is what I do. And that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.”

To be playful means to have a flexible understanding and approach to life. It also means having the ability to make an experience more joyful and entertaining. If you have a child, you understand that most children inherently have this gift to make a lot of situations fun when given the opportunity. Even something as simple as walking from the car to the front door could mean a chance to skip, twirl, fly, and buzz all the way home.  We write a lot about the importance of giving children time to play, but having a playful disposition may be just as important as the act of playing itself. One way to help your child be playful: reading books by creative writers like Dr. Seuss. Another way, be a playful parent! That way, when they come up against a boring or scary situation they have the freedom to escape into their imagination and make light of some of life’s tedious tasks.

Playday is an annual event in the UK that celebrates children’s right to play. On Playday thousands of children and communities will take part in locally organized events across the UK.  While this is a great opportunity for children to get out and play, the Playday campaign raises awareness about serious issues affecting children’s play. For instance, creative play is essential for physical and emotional growth, mental, intellectual and educational development, and for acquiring social and behavioral skills.

Learn more about Playday in the UK.

Mother of Tears: The Third Mother dvdrip Lie to Me movie download The holiday season is wonderful time of year that for some can mean a lot of stress and restless children. Often, families have to travel to see one other, normal routines that children follow may be thrown out the window, and it is sometimes the case that children are coming together with relatives or other children who they don’t know well.

When children become “bored” or feel out of their element, a lot of parents find that their kids tend to get into trouble or become clingy and demanding. So how do you keep children happy during holiday gatherings so you can also socialize and catch up with relatives? One way is to try to come up with activities that children can get involved in regardless of age or ability.

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• Have supplies available for a craft project and have children make decorative napkin holders, place cards, or center pieces for the table.  Check out enchanted learning to get some wonderful, easy craft projects for children preschool-elementary school aged.

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• Children can also draw pictures of what they are thankful for and have older children write down their stories with the picture. During dinner or dessert have everyone share what they are thankful for this Thanksgiving!

What are some of the ways you encourage the children at your holiday gatherings to get along and do something together?

I know this isn’t an original thought, but it recently occurred to me that children at play and scientists at work have a lot in common.  Both seem to start with the same question, What if?  What if I put this big block on top of this little one?  What if I’m the mommy and you’re the baby?  What if I drop a heavy ball and a light ball? Which one hits the ground first?

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Attack Force move What If is the starting point for almost any problem solving.

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• The baby seems fussier than usual.  What if you try dancing to Roy Orbison while holding her over your shoulder?  How about Madonna?

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What If also drives art. In fact, very little that is new comes into existence without a What If first.

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• Impressionism was largely an answer to the question, “What if you paint the feeling of things, instead of their surfaces?”
• Mozart asked, “What if I play it softer; louder; faster; fancier; slower; in ¾ time?” And there you have it: theme and variations.

For What If to work its magic, the player-solver-artist needs a space, some objects, tools to work on them, and most important the assurance that not too much can go wrong.

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I don’t think you need to teach your child to play.  But you can set an example by taking a playful approach to life.

• What if you turn left, instead of right the way you normally go? What if you take the contents of your junk drawer and make something? What if you put a carrot top in a bowl of grape juice? Will it sprout? Will you get a blue carrot?

Being a playful parent yourself may help your child feel comfortable wondering What If and feel secure exploring their growing curiosities.

The other day, a friend of mine gave me a book. The title of the book is not important.* What is important is the story behind the gift.

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My friend is a pediatrician and mother of three children. As it turns out, they are all star students. The oldest two are attending famous universities, and the youngest has been accepted to a top school as well. Not that getting into a great college is the only index of success, or even the best one. But it is notable that all three children have chosen to play the academic game, and all are finding success.

Being John Malkovich movies It often doesn’t work this way in families. There are families in which one child—often the oldest – is a great student, but the siblings who follow aren’t. They behave as if the “great student” role has been taken, and they choose different paths. One becomes “the artist,” another “the jock,” and perhaps another “the clown.” Of course, it is possible that these roles really are the right ones for each child. But in many cases I think that what drives children is a fear of competition with a sibling who has already staked out a strong position.

In fact, this dynamic did affect my friend’s family. Early on, the eldest son established himself as someone who loved reading and learning. His younger sister, looking up at this budding star, at first shied away from books. How could she hope to compete? And yet, my friend was able to help her daughter get past this fear and develop her own love of learning.

This key, my friend explained, was to find a book that her daughter would fall in love with, a book that was very different from any of the ones that her oldest son favored. The book my friend found for her daughter – and the one she gave to me – was a book of poems about colors and flowers. To a girl who loved pretty things, the appeal of the book was instant. Soon, the girl was reading more and more and writing her own poems. With the third child, it was a different spark that ignited the love of reading.

I’m telling you this story not because all girls need to love flowers, and not even because all children need to love books. I am telling it to you because it shows how a gifted parent finds the keys to unlock each child’s talents.

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Dumb Bell of the Yukon divx A family is an ecosystem, with each organism striving to find a niche. In a family with several children, it takes a tuned-in parent to give each child the space to follow his or her own light. Once that happens, neither competition – nor the fear of competition – controls the direction they grown in.

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With Halloween “creep”-ing up fast, it’s a great time to let your kids’ imaginations run wild with their Halloween costumes.  Rather than purchasing store-bought costumes off the rack, why not spend some time with your kids brainstorming different ideas for homemade Halloween costumes?  You don’t have to be the Queen or King of Crafting to make something wonderful at home, and it’s a great way to involve your kids in the creation of their own Halloween costumes.  Kaboose.com has some excellent directions on how to make your own homemade Halloween costumes

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Star Trek: Insurrection video that any kid (and parent!) is sure to love.  Definitely take some time to check out the more unusual costume ideas on the site, such as the Sunny Sky

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and Funny Food costumes.

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Once you have the costume dilemma under control, and you’ve successfully navigated yet another Halloween night, you may find yourself wondering what to do with the costumes you’ve made.  Well, don’t forget to repurpose those costumes by putting them away in your dress-up box!  Kids love costumes no matter what the reason or the season, so recycling old costumes for later creative play is a great way to make sure all of your hard work doesn’t go to waste.  Although the general guidelines for creative play don’t generally endorse the use of full costumes for creative playtime, you’ll be amazed at how pieces and parts of what you’ve made for Halloween finds new life in your kids’ imagination later on.  A pirate sword could become a walking stick, or a set of angel wings the perfect way to lift a butterfly off the ground.  The beauty of creative play is that truly, anything is possible!

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